Thoughts on Love Re-visted

Some thoughts on Love and Relationship. by Syd Gris

So when I was posting some columns on the website of the Late Night Coalition, two of them were on love. (Love on the Dance Floor parts 1 & 2). I consolidated them into one here to share, but if you happened to have already read those then this is just redundant for you. Thinking out loud on why relationships are so damn hard but we can't help ourselves anyway.

Some thoughts on love on the dance floor.

Hooking up love in a club is no easy feat. Despite the plethora of options and frequent use of varying kinds of substance induced attraction goggles, for how many times you go out it’s pretty rare you meet someone you like. Even if you do, they have to like you back, you have to be able to hear each other having a conversation, like the way they dance, and not scare them off for all the reasons people get scared off. Once you actually work up enough momentum to actually see each other outside the party environment, then the real work begins. And you thought being witty while yelling over the DJ was hard?? Think again! The dynamics of relationship is a tangled affair and I know I don’t have to tell you that. Let me first say before going on that I speak as a hetero male speaking in general terms about male and female dynamics, so don’t get all upset I don’t include every combination of people out there that form relationships. In this town especially, the sky is pretty much the limit. I’m taking broad strokes and great liberties, if you want better differentiated dynamics there’s lots of great books out there, read some Deida.

The problem with men is that they’re stupid. I’m sorry but it’s true. Men in general are not close enough to their emotions to think ahead about how their actions may effect someone else, especially a woman who cares about them. They use their mind to attempt to engineer their emotions in ways that won’t hurt as bad if they are the hurt-er or the hurt-ee, so to speak. Much of it is simply mental deception, fermenting in consciousness until we act out through self-medicating actions such as drugs, meaningless sex, etc. Many men do not have an appreciation of how shared experiences get emotionally translated differently between men and women. Sex is the most obvious example. I dare say in general men have more frequently done it without emotions involved than women, and this has led to a lot of hurt. You can blame it on our fuck-everyone- in-the-clan mentality we’ve inherited, coupled with socialization and having trophies and notches and all that shit. In a way it doesn’t really matter to me. It exists, it’s caused a lot of pain, and understanding needs to happen in both directions. Men and women are wired differently, testosterone makes us more aggressive, sexual and stupid. Ask any woman whose had to under go testosterone treatment; they get horny, angry, and want to fall asleep after cuming instead of cuddling.